Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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