I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
