my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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