fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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