Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
