You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
