I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
