I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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