its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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