Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
