Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to sanitize my soul.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
