I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
