just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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