We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
