all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
