Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
