I accidentally had phone sex last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
