I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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