how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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