he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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