I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
