I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
