you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
