Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
