dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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