I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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