Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
