I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
