Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
