so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
