and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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