I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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