He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
