and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
