Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize