I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
