I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
