I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
