4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
