Don't you send me to vm
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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