I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
