I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
