So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
