I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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