so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
