If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
