all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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