Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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