Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
