i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
