i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I die, sorry about rent.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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