Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
