do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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