I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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