Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Panties = found
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
