i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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