No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
