i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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