Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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