Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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