I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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