she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
