every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
