if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
