and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
