The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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