ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I smell stomach acid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize