i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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