i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
