At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
