Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
